Life Needs a Pause Button

Am I the only one that over commits herself to things? I put a lot on my to-do list these past couple weeks and it got the better of me. I got quite a bit done but definitely not everything. The things that didn’t get done are really nagging at me. It feels like I am disappointed with myself for what I gave priority to my time.

My Own Worst Enemy

I promised myself that I would make a blanket for some family friends and their new baby. I just finished the blanket and matching bonnet today but I wasn’t able to get it done before baby arrived. In hindsight shouldn’t have been so indecisive with yarn and I also had some days where I couldn’t bring myself to pick up the crochet hook. It doesn’t change the sentimental value of the item but it feels less somehow. I have one more thing I want to whip up to send with it and luckily it’s a quick make item unlike the blanket but it means I won’t be sending for a few more days still. However, it’s the weekend so that excuse helps to ease the “not on my timeline” blow.

I also wanted to get my first video posted on YouTube. I wanted to show my Homesteaders Swiss Army Apron in a way that I just can’t do with pictures. Valuable lessons were learned about both filming and editing before I could even get it published. I learned that the way you hold your phone makes a big difference to video image. When I began editing (not easy by the way) I was TINY! Basically it was a video in thumbnail form. You couldn’t see anything. It really defeated the purpose of the video which really disheartened me and my hopes of adding vlogging to this venture. It isn’t a huge deal it just needs to be reshot with the camera in the right orientation but that means adding something else to the to do list.

Fear of Homelessness

We are also house hunting. Trying to hunt for a house that you can’t see in person is difficult. Add the BIG timezone difference and it’s worse. I have to say our realtor has been exceptional so far but 4am video house showings aren’t easy. It also doesn’t help that we are looking into living out in the country so cell service is spotty. Spotty cell service means poor video quality but we’ve managed. We have looked at several homes it feels like. Fallen in like with a few. Put in some offers. Gotten some rejection. However we haven’t lost faith. The Fansler Farmstead is out there and if it’s meant to be we will get it. Even if we are getting down to the wire which is adding to some anxiety.

Our stuff is getting packed up and shipped back at the end of the month. We return at some unknown date next month (have I mentioned that I don’t like unknowns? I’m a planner, you can’t REALLY plan the unknown).

I want to know that I have a roof over my head already lined up. Hubs is set. He knows that he’s got more schooling to go through so he will have lodging. I don’t have that same luxury so this is what we need to do. Just another point in the “if the Navy wanted him to have a spouse they would have issued one in bootcamp” list I guess.

Travel and Sightseeing

A victory is that my brother is about to visit so that is super exciting. I miss him very much and we have a lot planned while he’s here. I am an adventurous homebody. That basically means I would LOVE to explore but I don’t want to explore alone. I know that we will get out and see some stuff because we will go together. I’ve had a ton of stuff on my Japan bucket list that I have been itching to cross off but going on adventures alone with the kiddo makes me nervous. I don’t want to be stranded alone with a toddler. At least with another adult it won’t be so bad. Plus we both have a serious love of food so basically we will be eating our way across the country. Yum!

I also have a birthday coming up. Not sure how I feel about that since it’s one of those “milestone” birthdays. I am turning 30! When did that happen? It feels like yesterday was my high school graduation. Then again the hubs and I also just celebrated 8 years of marriage when it also feels like our wedding was yesterday too. Time goes faster the older you get I guess.

Adjusting Priorites

Life is a marathon not a sprint. But marathons and sprints are both races and life is racing by!!! I have been watching a lot of YouTube trying to learn everything I can before we officially start this farmstead adventure and I have learned that it doesn’t seem to matter if you are doing a typical life of working 9-5 or have given up your job completely to live off the land, you never get ahead.

Both lifestyles require constant upgrades and updates. Improved housing, improved transportation. Then there is new tech and gadgets which may be a priority for some. In our case we will be wanting some livestock. So much sacrifice goes to obtain that.

Typical life means looking for high paying work which means more stress usually and long hours. Or a homestead life means more labor and time intensive work to do it yourself. I am hoping to live a hybrid life riding the line somewhere between the two. I want to have animals and better quality food knowing where it all comes from but I also don’t want to give up the career that I have been building and love.

With age comes wisdom and I hope this path isn’t a mistake but it is something only time will tell. It is either going to work or something will have to give. I sing to the baby “you can’t always get what you want” and now she sings back “I can always get what I want” so maybe I need to follow her lead and just be blissfully optimistic that everything will work out like I want. I am not afraid of hard work, it’s how we’ve gotten to where we are so far. Working our butts off and trying to narrow down what we want from life and I think what we want isn’t unreasonable.